Everything Apple touches turns into something practical, beautiful, useful and stylish. Which is why we want those geniuses at Apple to touch everything - not just the new iPhone we're anxiously awaiting. Here are some ordinary everyday objects that would become truly revolutionary if Apple took control. Here's hoping...
Have you ever picked something up and thought – you know, Apple could just do a much better job? This [insert unattractive, boring thing] could live an entirely new life if Apple’s designers took a mind to absorb it into their glistening white mothership?
Like a manky old pony that gets a paint job, some sparkles and a horn – suddenly it’s a unicorn and everybody wants it. It costs more, but the garden has never been happier to have a pony unicorn in it.
Think about it: we rely on our gorgeous iPhone 7 to be communication tool and camera, social media manager and source of apps, games and entertainment. We stream every episode of GLOW on our glorious iPad, track the health app on our Apple Watch and count down the days to the latest iOS 11 upgrade (and that brand spankin’ new iPhone 8, iPhone 8 Plus and iPhone X).
So, of course, we can’t help but dream of how much sleeker, and more user-friendly, and gorgeously hued life would be if Apple made pretty much everything we use.
Here are seven things that we think Apple should take under its glossy wing and fly to new, glorious design heights.
Let’s face it, bedroom furniture has needed an overhaul for the longest time. We’ve had the round bed, the water bed, the sunken bed and the rollercoaster bed (by Los Carpinteros). There have been brush beds, Yin and Yang beds and even standing beds – all quirky, but none give us the ultimate blend of form and functionality that only Apple can bring.
You can only imagine the potential: projectors to watch Apple TV, built-in charging stations, a modem, a technology storage compartment… The dream (see what we did there?) is yours to have and for Apple to fulfil.
A TV show
Game of Thrones? Please. Imagine taking the cast of Apple designers, engineers and scientists and wrestling them into a dramatic series that rips off the veneer of civility to expose the genius underneath. Sheldon, Sheldon, Sheldon doesn’t stand a chance…
The good news is, this is actually happening, with reports suggesting that Apple’s original scripted content will be coming to a mobile near you by the end of 2017. Watch. This. Space.
The car boot
Seriously, there is never enough space in the car for the clothes, the detritus of children, the books and the suitcases. Why do you think so many people have to buy those strange-looking canoe storage units to pick up the slack? Actually, while they’re at it, Apple could have a go at those, too.
Have you ever encountered a home item more boring than floor tiles? OK, the plaster is boring, too, but anyway, tiles come second and need that deft Apple touch. You do get that frisson of excitement when you first choose your style and colour, but after that your feet are the only thing that get any traction.
If Apple got hold of tiles, the mind boggles at what would be possible. Tiles that are tuned to play music. Tiles that change colour to suit mood and time of day. Tiles that have Siri built in so you don’t have to get off the sofa to find out the weather. It’s tile heaven.
You’re in a rush. You’re still brushing your teeth and your hair looks like you were dragged out of a tumble dryer backwards. Time is tight and you’re going to be late for work.
Now, imagine that you can ask your mirror to show you your emails and schedule so you can plan your day while you drag a brush through that hair? Or, if you’re winding down for the day, then your mirror can play you a soothing selection of music from iTunes while you lie in the bath with wine?
Um, can we order one now?
The microwave is the most boring thing in the kitchen. It can also be the most hygienically terrifying if it’s located in an office. Some have been known to spawn new lifeforms that have a stable government and rights. The most exciting thing the microwave does is make popcorn explode or turn your pizza into something strangely damp. It’s like magic, only in reverse.
If ever there was the time to ask yourself ‘What would Apple do?’, this is it. Suddenly the microwave is just like that pony. It is a magical cooking unicorn that looks incredible, wirelessly messages you when the food is overcooking, self-cleans and can charge your devices. And that’s only on the first page of features in the downloadable booklet.
Burglar bars, alarms, cameras, screaming alerts – these are the modern security systems that we rely on when we leave our homes and head out into the world. They also go off at 3am and wake us up with unearthly screeches. They refuse to turn off even though we’ve hit every button on the remote and they remain convinced that your cat is an evil intruder that must be stopped.
Apple could change this. They could wave their sleek white wand over the horror of home security and turn it into a mind-controlled dominion over which you are the sole ruler.
Until then, anyone need a cat?
Main image: Pexels via Pixabay